Daddy Issues

You call at dawn

And I don't understand why

You know I'm not awake

It's a ridiculous time.

You call

And I talk

Because I don't bear grudges

But you've really hurt me daddy

You've hurt me so much

You call

And I think 'why is this so formal?'

We talk as if we are avoiding everything

Because there's really nothing to avoid

You call

And hint at the fact that I haven't called you

But you are the one who left me

I am doing this on my own

All by myself. All on my own

I've worked so hard to get where I am

Yet I deny myself praise because I am nothing yet

I've taken so much on

But I don't complain

I keep it inside

Because outside it's a mess

And I don't need any help

You left me with it all

Your role and mine

That's why I am so messed up

Wise beyond my years

But all I want is Love in it's purist form

And not to have to take the lead

Not to have to care or think

I want someone to take care of me

But that will not happen

Because you've messed it all up

You wonder why I am not in touch

Well you're the one that left US

So you call

And I put on a brave voice

And pretend I'm alright

Because I have to be alright

For your sake and mine

You call

And I dry up

What I'm feeling doesn't count

Let's adhere to formalities

It's not long now

You call

I answer

While you question

We've been over this before

Apparently this is affection

You call

And fail to swallow your pride

You call

But time has widened the divide

You call

And I'm tired; you've messed up my life

But you call

And after all is said and done

We hang up.

Then I cry.

 

 

Olola (2012)

 

I think I have realised for a while now that I have 'daddy issues'.

No one quite understands it apart from my mum and brothers but it has affected us all differently. To be honest I don't quite get it myself. It's so sad though because the relationship I have with my dad isn't a typical father-daugther one - there's a lot of unsaid things between us which will probably remain unsaid. I feel like my dad has been the reason for my closeness, lack of trust and continuous thinking.

And what is so weird is that I know that I will be looking for things I lack in my relationship with my father with my potential lovers.

I hope I do not end up asking for too much.

 

Olola

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