That All Too Familiar Feeling

That sickening feeling.

My stomach turning at the thought of a fail;

At the thought of having spent so much time doing nothing

The never ending regret of knowing I had left it too late.

The bigger and better me

Stands before me in the distance -

Such a beautiful and clear view but right now we seem a world apart.

In hindsight I wonder why on earth I didn't work!

Where was the motivation I desired?

The discipline I craved?

Now this fear is so consuming as I know I only have myself to blame.

Sleep is now a luxury

Food, an unwanted guest.

I'm letting you down, letting me down

Knowing that no matter how hard I work now

I will be forced to settle.

To settle for something I am not!

But I choose not to settle
 

For anything less than the best

I never want to feel like this again!

           

Olola (2012)

 

This poem was inspired by revision during May. I was getting overwhelmed by it all so decided to write this.

It's about that feeling I think we all know too well where you think about all the time you could have spent revising but procrastinated instead. I got to a point where I was having 18 hours days and cramming information in 2 days that I should have in fact spread over 20!

The prospect of failure and undoing all my years of hard work it me and the ridiculous thing is that this happens every year and it's always too much too late.

I passed though - I didn't do as well as I should have done but I did really well.

Olola

x