That All Too Familiar Feeling

That sickening feeling.

My stomach turning at the thought of a fail;

At the thought of having spent so much time doing nothing

The never ending regret of knowing I had left it too late.

The bigger and better me

Stands before me in the distance -

Such a beautiful and clear view but right now we seem a world apart.

In hindsight I wonder why on earth I didn't work!

Where was the motivation I desired?

The discipline I craved?

Now this fear is so consuming as I know I only have myself to blame.

Sleep is now a luxury

Food, an unwanted guest.

I'm letting you down, letting me down

Knowing that no matter how hard I work now

I will be forced to settle.

To settle for something I am not!

But I choose not to settle
 

For anything less than the best

I never want to feel like this again!

           

Olola (2012)